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Dear Jesus

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Dumela bra Jeso. What is wrong with your cell-phone, are they also tapping it, or maybe it is just the network that side, I have been trying to call you the whole of last week but with no success. I even sent you a couple of call-backs, but not even a word from you. But worry not, that is not your fault, it is the network company, they are all the same no matter where they are. I can assure you, after poor network, the next thing coming your way would be load shedding and water shortages. It is our daily life here. Nevertheless, I still give Caesar what belongs to Caesar, I pay all my bills and taxes without a second thought. That is how righteous I am, and yet people still give me dismissive face when I tell them that in your Second Coming you are probably going to pick me as your only disciple. Just the two of us!They say two is company but three is crowd.I just wanted to call you and wish you happy Easter but I have since decided on writing you this letter. I thought of emailing you but I realized that even though you run the whole world, you still do not have an email address nor a website. I think it is high time you have at least a Facebook page so we can inbox you our gratitude and ingratitude.

 

I think you would be pleased to know that contrary to some people’s expectations, I have so far successfully managed to stay out of two places; prison and Heaven. Please do not take it personally, I have heard great stories about Heaven and ideally I would love to visit you there one of the days but definitely not now. I am too young to come there, plus you and I know that there is only one route to come there. I do not mind the journey, I mind the route. The thing is, visiting you there is painfully labourious. First they would have to pronounce that I have come there and people would cry, especially those that I owe. Then from there they would take me to a very cold place where I would have to wait until I become ice block. I hear the place is like a bus rank for all those coming there. From there, they would dig a six feet deep ditch where they would dump in a solemn ceremony with melancholic songs accompanied by bitter salty tears. You see, it is all pain and labour.

 

I know that many people who come there never come back, but I hear you are the only one to have ever come back after one business-minded fellow of yours by the name of Judas Iscariot made the first ever recorded transaction of human trafficking with you. I just want to let you know that you Resurrection is the greatest miracle ever performed. If I come pay you a short visit, do you promise I will come back? I hope we all enjoyed a Happy Easter!

For complaints, compliments, comments and
threats; email: threesixtyonedegrees@yahoo.
com

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