Hey, this winter is starting on a high note. Sooner or later it will claim its ﬁ rst casualty and as for me, who is out there in the cold looking lonely and old, I stand to be this candidate. It is when temperatures are as low as this that I cannot help but wish I were King Mswati. How many so far? I lost the count at 10. Hail the King!You see, I am very much against his monopoly but when the mercury reading is in the negatives as it is right now, you will agree with me that his idea looks very attractive. Long live the King!As things stand, I even do not mind being a servant in one of the palaces, just in case the Master is out.
The thing is, every winter I always promise myself that the next winter is deﬁ nitely going to ﬁ nd me happily married. But as you know, best laid plans of mice and men often go awry and winter days pass too fast. By the time I am half-way through the preparations, it is already summer; too hot to think of anything as serious as marriage. But this time around, I promise you, come next winter. Okay, let me be honest with you and tell you what is causing all the dilly-dallying, but please do not tell my soulmate otherwise I am going to be exiled to the living room and become a feast for this winter.
The reason why I have not gone before the District Commissioner to auction some of my rights and freedoms by saying, “till death do us part” is because I am waiting for something. I am waiting for the day when donkeys are accepted as bogadi. Until that day, count me out. I just do not know why donkeys cannot pay bogadi when they have so far proved they can match cattle in every sphere of life including in the kitchen. In fact, when it comes to biltong, donkey tramples over beef. In addition, unlike cattle, donkeys have super-cool names like “Mariam” or “Action.” But before you call Sbrana Psychiatric Hospital to ask if they are not missing any patient, all I am saying is donkey or cow; all animals are equal.
The fact is, the amount of money requested for bogadi these days is discouraging, without exaggeration, it is almost equivalent to building a railway line. Many of us have involuntarily remained single, but imagine how many donkeys roam freely; thousands. They could have easily bound us with our long-time sweethearts in happy matrimony. It is high time we realise that the days to pay bogadi with cattle are gone because of foot and mouth disease and that BMC is now history. You see, paying bogadi with donkeys is not only going to be good for romance and matrimony, but most importantly is going to be a “mother-of-all-ideas” for the Department of Road Transport and Safety. Imagine how many lives we have lost in vehicle-donkey accidents; countless. For safe and secure roads, start paying bogadi with donkeys.
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