What if blankets could talk?

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Blankets! Imagine if blankets could talk. That I am a man ‘blessed’ with abundant ignorance and less imagination is certain. This was proven beyond doubt in my early years of schooling where I had to struggle beyond description to grasp letters of the alphabet; ultimately I did. But that was not after the teacher had made remarks to the effect that my intellectual ability rivalled that of a donkey. I wholly agreed with her, it could not be otherwise.


But that being that, permit me to once again display my astonishingly weak mind, or rather say wicked mind to emphatically say that blankets are a man’s best friend. Well, those who said man’s best friend is a dog had not seen blankets. For this one, I am more able and willing to put my head on the guillotine for it. Therefore, permit me to emphatically repeat once again that blankets are a man’s best friend. I am not saying this because winter is just around the corner or because to win elections you have to throw them around, but because nothing holds even our deepest secrets dearly than blankets. Now imagine if blankets could talk, what would they say about you? Please do not get a heart attack, it is just imagination.


Of late, blankets are the only talk of the town. Everything is about blankets; free blankets here or free blankets there. Being a man who is a captive of old traditions and suffering from what they call “Strong Rural Background” or “SRB” as medical doctors have diagnosed me, I know the wisdom of our ancestors is in the simile. Exactly, what blankets are they talking of? As far as I know, blankets can mean many things. Therefore, when there is a talk about free blankets here or free blankets there I need to know what kind, lest I find myself in unchartered waters.


Let me tell you my friend, anything to do with blankets is always sensitive and not open for discussion for young men like me. The issues are even never discussed in broad day light. Have you never wondered why every bride-price is always accompanied by blankets, the meaning is symbolism, so when you start giving free blankets be very careful. Do you know that blankets can also be prescribed for medicinal use, well I hope I heard the issue well because it was a discussion between two old men and therefore out of bounds for me. They were talking about a friend of theirs whose “house” was not well and they had realised that cause of the “illness” was “lack of blankets” and they therefore recommended regular use of “blankets” for him. I was left astonished, I never knew blankets could be a cure for anything. Now do you still doubt that they are a man’s best friend? There is an Ibo proverb which says, “Until the lions have their own historians, the history of the hunt will always glorify the hunter.” I think the same goes for blankets.


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