Hallelujah! May the Glory of God bewith you. Why do you look surprised?,did you not know that I am religious, Iam. If by any chance you were readying yourselfto enjoy the spectacle of seeing me fryingin the eternal fi re of hell, I am sorry you will bedisappointed. Paradise is where I am headed,by hook or crook. I even have plan B just in caseSaint Peter does not call my name. I have boughtpliers and pincers to cut the fence to get in. Ihave big plans waiting for me in Paradise so notgoing there is not an option. I am going to be abig businessman there selling counterfeit Manna.
I just hope the Chinese do not steal my idea.The thing is, had I not stolen the church wineas alter-boy, I bet by now I could be Father. Itwas then that I was demoted from alter-boy. I realiselater that Father was angry at me not for thesin committed but for the vintage wine. Anyway,I am tired of bothering people with their ownchurches; I am now opening my own church. Iam calling it, “Accredited Church of God” withthe motto, “More Money No Problems.” You arecordially invited, but take notice that entrancefee will be charged.I have decided to open my own church becauseI am now convinced Jesus was a Motswana.I know I am likely to be alone on this onewith only support from my friends in Sbrana.
But before you call for my head, have youthought a minute that may be Jesus may havebeen from Tswapong? Goo! I mean I cannot recallhow many times “Son of man” talked aboutbread. Remember he did not only multiply fi veloaves to feed the multitudes, he also declaredthat, “I am the bread of life and he who comesto me shall not hunger.” Defi nitely the son ofJoseph loved bread dearly. I understand eventhe Last Supper was on bread and wine. Thosein the know will categorically tell you that thissame affection with bread can only be found inTswapong. Maybe Jesus came from Tswapong.
But if he was from there, why would he say mancannot live on bread alone?But Jesus also talked a lot about his father’skingdom and that those who follow him will inheritit. He talked a lot about issues of royaltyand how he was royalty, so may be Jesus was aMongwato. Maybe the kingdom he was talkingabout is the Ngwato kingdom that has been runningthis country from one generation to another.Could it be the inheritance he was talking about?But he may have come from Maun and Kasaneareas, because the man was just too good withwater. Remember he did not only walk on water,he canoed even in the most diffi cult tidal waves.But those sandals he always wore make mesuspicious; maybe he was from Kgalagadi fromSan people. Give me a smile Roy Sesana, maybe Jesus is your cousin